Happy ending…

Lost in thoughts, lost in hopes
Lost in something positive and pure
Couldn’t understand what it was
But at least realized “yes it was”!

I had this feeling earlier too,
But the end was negative, I knew that too.
Should I think more or should I let it happen
Or should I just stop it all!

Why again with me, why again that phase
I kept questioning but was at loss again
A ray of hope, a ray of faith
Seems nice, but is it worth that game?!

I hope to find that answer
I hope to find solace
I just hope I can say,
“HAPPY ENDING” is here as well!

Am a happy girl again!

I had lost my smile, I had excelled in pretending
I was missing something but just brushed it aside
Was proud to tell “Am happy alone”
But never thought “Why should I be alone”

I had everything but still a void somewhere
I was doing everything but my heart was not there
A person to share with matters a lot
If that person is a friend what else can I ask for!

I started smiling, I started sharing
I started realizing what I was missing
Sun was smiling at me, the city turned alive
Every single thing had hope and smile
Want this to persist want this to continue
Want just to shout “I am a happy girl again”!

A year has passed by…

I completed one year in my project this month. As far as I can remember I just have good memories :-) Isn’t that great!? Work that too in a software firm where monotony is simply unavoidable I didn’t even realize where the time passed away! I am writing this specially for my wonderful team to let them know that they mean a lot!
A team where I was the only female candidate and as IT professionals are famous for being boring and nerd, yes I was a bit apprehensive and was not at all looking forward to join the team! I still have clear memories of my first day when I shared my cubicle with a colleague who had displaced beard on his chin (which later I realized was his birth mark! He he) and my PL, who was actually sweet to talk to but was wearing a sweater during the month of MAY! Now you can imagine all the reason of me being not so happy! Then there was a man with moustache who was a perfect geek but I always wondered why he was so quite, two joined with me, one just loved to study and the other was too lost to study, I assumed he already knew a lot. And then met my TL who just loved talking about Delhi! I would rather call him “Mr. Know it all”. Now I was amidst confusion - in a team of just eight, one was a formal PL, one was a proxy PL (others won’t understand this) and one was a TL! My proxy PL was too polite and I actually realized that being from Mahatma Gandhi’s place can actually bring a difference in you! He he. For a fresher like me everything seemed so very confusing and to be true boring.
But it didn’t even take one month to break the ice! I learnt technical stuff, I learnt how to write proper emails and above all I learnt to put my point across. In fact I never knew I had points to put across! ;-) Slowly each one of us became team mates to friends to very good friends. I would have not survived happily in Mumbai without my team. Never did I feel that I was the only girl in the team and that I was kept out of few discussions, don’t know whether actually I was, but I’ll prefer not to think about the “don’t know” part.
I was taken care of when I fell ill, I was given company when I felt lonely, I was given a shoulder to cry upon, I was protected when it was needed, I was taught to be technically strong, need I mention any more points to express how lucky I was?! And I swear I didn’t exaggerate even a single point :-)
Just wanted all of you to know that I had an amazing one year and have all wonderful and memorable moments spent with you all. Thanks to each of you and my good wishes will always be there for you all. And I’ll pray that as my career started with such a wonderful team and my expectations are set high now, I get to meet such nice people in my professional life always. You all are special and will always be so!

Live life king size!

We all have a “past” but happy are those who have just kept it as past. I have met many people who can’t just let go off things. Its sometimes addiction to smoking or drinking, sometimes not letting go of their “Ex”, sometimes cribbing about “why didn’t I study properly at that time” and sometimes “I should have taken that more seriously”. We all make mistakes and sooner or later realize that yes it was a mistake! But should we just torture ourselves because we made that mistake? The answer is NO!
God has made each one of us to live our life and “live” means “live happily”, cherish every moment! We ought to have faith in ourselves to stay happy. The other day I was reading “Success Stories”, yes as the name suggests it was a collection of short stories of few who triumphed against all odds. It did motivate me, but what it did to me was that I was left wondering why do we often end up saying “I can’t”.
Is the past or any such negative feeling that strong that it should restrain us from living happily?! Just brush it aside. Try to learn from the past. Yes, I know what you might be thinking, that this is philosophy and you have read this umpteen number of times. But why I am writing all this, is to make few people who read this realize that “You are special”!
As a child we all must have always dreamt to be successful, to make full utilization of our talents but slowly over the years we tend to sideline our happiness and our wishes and tend to do what we consider is “worth”. We rarely are ready to just gamble for our happiness. We lower our sights, as Rabindranath Tagore put it, to enter the “dreary desert sand of dead habit”.
Live for yourself, nobody is worth your tears! Live to do all those things you always wished for, live to bring a smile on others face, live to show your “Ex” you can still be happy, be happy to make those who bitch about you feel jealous, be happy just to keep your cruel boss wondering about it, just live for your happiness!
I often hear my friends saying that “My work keeps me too busy, am tired of it”, I wont deny that even I sometimes say this ;-). But have you ever questioned yourself that will you be happy if you are made to sit idle? Even I work in one such BIG organization which is famous for keeping people “on bench” and trust me I didn’t enjoy that even a tiny bit! I was always cribbing about when the hell will I get work. And then when we get lots of work we are again not happy! “Being happy” is actually a food for thought. You have to learn this art, and the sooner you do this the happier you will be!
So friends enjoy what you are doing, yearn for more, try being happy no matter what it takes. Just forget the past and keep it as a reference, don’t let it be a part of your present. :-)

Fetish

Every time I passed some footwear shop, I just couldn’t resist myself praising at least one of the many displayed. And then suddenly I had a thought of buying one of them! Initially the thought was bleak but slowly I found that it was winning over me! I went inside the shop tried the pair, and obviously found them to be perfect. But then my conscious started questioning me- “Do you actually need them?” Even I wondered whether I actually needed them. But that strong desire of acquiring footwear over passed my practical thoughts.
I spent some more time thinking about whether “I should” or “I should not”. And slowly I found “I should” was winning over its counterpart! No prizes for guessing the end “Yes, I bought yet ANOTHER pair”. :-)

Whenever my boyfriend or my roomies used to tell that I have just too many pairs of footwear, I used to just brush them off saying that this is just a normal count and generally all girls have bountiful footwear. But then one day I lost almost all of them! That’s another story how, which I’ll tell you later. But yes I was just left with four pairs! The thought just didn’t seem to sink in! I started counting the pairs which were no longer with me and its then that I realized that I had many! Some I had not even worn since a long time, but that didn’t matter; the bottom line was I was missing each and every pair! :-(

I couldn’t even sleep properly! Yes yes I know what you must be thinking - “I am exaggerating”. But trust me I am NOT! It actually affected me so very much and I had already started to plan on how to start building my collection. It was at this very point I realized the meaning of “Fetish”. Just to remind you that I still had four pairs left with me, but for me that was close to nothing! :-)

We all have some kind of affinity to some particular thing. But, sometimes we don’t even realize when that becomes a part of our habit and we are named “compulsive buyers”! I still don’t accept am one of them! :-D
A strange thing about fetish is its not just about collecting “things”, fetish has a wide range! I have read about foot fetish, smoke fetish and what not, yes you can rack your brains and even the naughtiest thoughts can come over as somebody’s “fetish”! ;-)

Memories

In every corner of my heart,
I had a thought clear and hard
Sometimes smile sometimes frown,
Sometimes just a morbid cloud
They won’t get omitted, they won’t just fade
They are a part of you and that’s your fate.


Some about him, some about them
Some about just the time we spent
Few I cherished, few I despised
For few I just passed a smile!
I wondered when they’ll perish,
The date when they’ll stop looming

Not everything comes with an expiry date
There are some things which just come to stay
They are something which has your presence
They are special that’s why they show their presence
With each passing day I start realizing
Memories will always get tabulating.
So, live your day in the best possible manner
And later to your memory say - “see wasn’t I a winner”!

Missing You...

As I face the winds, standing by the road
A sudden chill fills me from within
It was a thought I was trying to disguise
Just wished it never came alive
I tried to nudge it away,
But it came up with a will “never to go away”
“Missing you” is what my heart was saying
But accepting that was not what I was doing.

Dominance over my thoughts was my skill
But why was this thought not in my list?!
I felt abashed I felt senile
I suddenly realized I lost my “smile”!
I loved sunshine I loved the rains
But why are now only clouds of pain?

I realized my indiscretion, my mistake to abstain
I’ll not make this thought my weakness
I’ll not let it steal the seasons
I’ll make it my strength, my reason to pursuit
Coz I am not far from you and the thought tells it all
Sunshine will graze me and so will rains

“Missing you” will stay but will abandon the pain!